Wow. As a core counter-culturalist, I often emit that esoteric ejaculation. But I rarely emit it as loudly as I did when I found these questions awaiting for approval one day in the comments queue at this blog:

You are Simon Whitechapel, right? Did you really write The Eyes? Are you Jesus Ignacio Aldapuerta “The Aldalusian de Sade”?

Yes, first I said “Wow” when I read that. And I said it very loudly. Then I thought: What interesting and intelligent questions. Then I further thought: What a treat it would be to interlocute with someone who asks questions like those.

Then I deleted the questions without replying. You see, I have a strict policy of never allowing anything interesting or intelligent to appear at this blog (if I’ve ever slipped up, I can only apologize). Plus, as a mega-maximal masochist, I don’t want to have the treat of interlocuting with anyone who asks interesting and intelligent questions like those. No, as a mega-maximal masochist, I wanna interlocute with an autistic adolescent with a personality disorder. Indeed, I wanna be stalked by an autistic adolescent with a personality disorder. And this inquisitive individual was obviously not one of those. That’s why I deleted the questions without replying.

Anyway, much to my surprise, the non-autistic non-adolescent with no personality disorder (na-na-no, for short) continued to leave interesting and intelligent comments for approval at this blog. And I continued to delete them for the reasons set out above. In response to the deletions, the na-na-no began to dial up the degree of subtlety and irony for which Americans are so famous among races, like the French, who don’t share their level of sophistication. You will surely marvel, for example, at the degree of delicacy with which the na-na-no deployed the American language in the comment below. The ironic use of parataxis is also worthy of note:

I’m just reading Gweel now because the cover art of the re-release caught my eye, that’s the only reason why I chose it as my very first Simon Whitechapel book, but I had already thought of making Tales of Silence and Sortilege my second because of the weird art on it. Now with this re-published version it’s a no-brainer. I can’t wait, I was so excited about Gweel I ordered extra copies to donate to my local library so that all in my city could get to know this enigmatic writer Whitechapel (After the librarians read it they outright denied the books and gave them back to me saying that “they don’t fit in our catalogue.” so I gave them to my book store to sell)

I remember reading Acariasis.

A man in prison sees a red spider mite crawling on the window of his cell and he is so painfully bored and unstimulated his imagination explodes. I was very moved by this piece. I wonder if the writer himself has been imprisoned or if he had to deal with the reality of prison life due to someone close to him being put in prison. It is too realistic. I can put myself in the shoes of the inmate and how excited I would be to see another living thing in my cell, how my imagination would run wild and how ultimately I would just wish to be dead instead of locked up in a cage. I am reminded of Leonard Peltier and his prison writings My Life Is My Sundance and it saddens me greatly.

-If the author has endured hardship or prison life I hope he is doing better now. My heart goes out specially to those wrongfully imprisoned for I know there are a lot of innocents trapped inside by the system. (It spoke to me) 10/10

Again: Wow. And is it just me, or is there something a bit female or a bit gay about the tone of those subtly ironic and delicately humorous words? Yeah, it prolly is just me. Anyway, the na-na-no wasn’t content with being subtly ironic and delicately humorous at this blog. No, zey were expanding operations to my book-review blog, Papyrocentric Performativity, and leaving interesting and intelligent comments there too. And again I was forcing myself to delete them, because I don’t want anything interesting or intelligent at any of my blogs (again, if I’ve ever slipped up, I can only apologize). Now, although the na-na-no was posting under the name of “Justin”, something about the concision, syntactical rigor and rationality of the comments made me wonder (as I mentioned above) whether zey were in fact female or gay. Or maybe trans-male. Or genderfluid or genderqueer or something really exciting and interesting along those lines.

But all that was pushed out of my head by a comment that, for interest and intelligence, surpassed all that had gone before. Yes, I said “Wow” again when the na-na-no informed me anent one review that “I’ve never really heard Depeche Mode so any reference is lost on me.” I was horrified at my own thoughtlessness and longed to apologize for making a reference that was lost on zem. How I could have been so self-centered as to not consider whether I making a reference to a band, author or artist which might be lost on zem? Mea maxima culpa.

Anyway, I fought off the impulse to apologize and deleted that comment too without replying. Then, much to my disappointment and dismay, the na-na-no stopped posting interesting and intelligent comments for me to delete. But this wasn’t the end of it. Much to my further dismay, I later discovered that the na-na-no had entirely misinterpreted my deletion of zeir comments. Zey’d interpreted the repeated deletions as a slight rather than what they really were: a compliment to zeir ability to say interesting and intelligent things. This misinterpretation meant that zey’d set out to punish me, having apparently reasoned thusly (as some Americans sometimes say):

1. He didn’t answer my interesting and intelligent questions about him being Aldapuerta.

2. Therefore he must really really not want to be identified with Aldapuerta. And he’ll be really really upset if he is thusly identified.

3. Therefore I can punish him by somehow finding time in my rich and fulfilling existence to publicly identify him with Aldapuerta at – drum-roll and loud trumpets – the ISFDB! Streisand Effect!

And having reasoned thusly, the na-na-no acted thusly:

Author: Simon Whitechapel Author Record # 138574

•Language: English

•Webpages: eldritchdark.com, overlordoftheuberferal.com

•Used These Alternate Names: Jesus Ignacio Aldapuerta, Charlotte Alchemilla Smythe

•Author Tags: horror (1)

Novels • The Slaughter King (1993)

Collections • The Eyes (1995) [only as by Jesus Ignacio Aldapuerta]

• Beasts & Blasphemies (2007)

• Cults & Concubines (2007)

• Pearls & Pyramids (2007)

• Temples & Torments (2007)

• Ghouls & Goddesses (2008)

• Tales of Sex & Sorcery (2009) [only as by Charlotte Alchemilla Smythe]

• Tales of Silence and Sortilege (2011) – Simon Whitechapel’s acutely angstful page at The Internet Speculative Fiction* Database

Wow. And the na-na-no has publicly identified me with Charlotte Alchemilla Smythe too. What a lot of time zey’ve somehow managed to find in zeir rich and fulfilling existence to hunt down references to me and my writing on the web. Now, if you’re reading this, o na-na-no, please can I beg you to remove all references to “Jesus Ignacio Aldapuerta” from my page at the ISFDB? Can you not find it in your personality-disorder-free psyche to empathize with my angst and anguish at seeing that noxious name there? It should be “Jesús Ignacio Aldapuerta”, see? With an acute on the u.

But that still wasn’t the end of the na-na-no’s hunt for revenge on me after what zey interpreted as my slighting deletion of their comments. As you read below what the na-na-no had to say at someone else’s blog, please note again how nothing in zeir crisp and concise words could possibly lead one to conclude that zey are an autistic adolescent with a personality disorder (or two or three):

Thank you so much for this in-depth review and analysis of the book [The Starry Wisdom] and its sequel. I wanted to read it but I can’t fi nd it anymore so I’m glad you wrote a little about most the stories. I feel like I have a better idea of what’s in it. Thank you so much, I like your writing style and the way you reviewed everything. It was great to get a sense of the book and authors in it. Very interested in the Simon Whitechapel stories since he wrote The Eyes as Jesus Ignacio Aldapuerta and I think he’s the only one that’s still alive and email and running a blog, so that’s interesting.

Also interesting is that A few of his old friends and business partners have been wrapped up in major trouble. David-Kelso Mitchell aka D.M. Mitchell(who published many of these authors) recently spent time in maximum security prison for nearly murdering a man with a hammer—no joke, Google it. His old publisher, James Williamson, fled to Thailand after ripping off dozens of authors to the tune of hundreds of thousands dollars, which you mentioned and linked to here. He is currently still hiding from justice in Thailand.

Simon Whitechapel himself is a white supremacist/neo-Nazi who tried to flee to America to avoid prosecution. He made it to US shores, but was arrested and extradited back to Great Britain, where he served time in prison. This all happened about twenty years ago.

I know this from a chatroom conversation with a man who claimed to know him. He refused to tell me SW’s real name, but he told me about the prison stuff, and called him “kind of a shithead”.

It does line up with certain other things about Simon: for example, the fact that he stopped writing for several years near the turn of the millennium. Or the fact that most of the stories in “Gweel” take place inside a prison. Or the fact that Simon Whitechapel’s website

(long-defunct) had a link to the British far-right group BNP.

Simon Whitechapel is a made-up name taken from the district in London where Jack the Ripper was very prolific. But he is a real person, He’s British, in his 50s and he is not David-Kelso Mitchell or James Williamson. – more acutely angstful analysis at a review of The Starry Wisdom

Again, what can I say but “Wow”? Well, I can repeat this: it’s Jesús, not Jesus. I can also say – and very vehemently – that I. Am. Not. A. Neo-. Nazi. Yes, I confess with shame that I did vaguely consider becoming one once, but no matter how many times I read Neo-Nazism for Dummies I could never remember whether it was halitosis or hemorrhoids Hitler had; whether it was Goering or Goebbels who had a club-foot; and whether Heini Himmler was a chicken-farmer or a chicken-f****r (or both). So I never would have passed the entrance exams. As for me being a “white supremacist” – well, how could I be one of that vile and loathsome subset of subhumanity when I’m British and there are so many Blacks in the British Super-Soccer League?

Anyway, so that’s the story of Aldapuerta, the na-na-no, and the na-na-no’s quest for revenge on me for deleting zeir comments and declining to interlocute with zem. I do hope nobody’s found it an interesting story in any way. Nevertheless, as the New Year approaches I will hope that I’ll get in 2026 what I’ve always longed for: the esoterically exciting experience of being stalked by an autistic adolescent with a personality disorder or two. Even better would be an American autistic adolescent with a personality disorder or two. Ach, from what I’ve seen you don’t get zose in the States. Maybe all the subtle irony and delicate humor that wash through American culture stop zem developing. ¡Qué pena, como diría Aldapuerta!

*The term “speculative fiction” always sounds to me as though it had been created, after extensive and deep-ranging discussion, by a committee of Guardian-readers with multi-colored hair.