Q. How many Guardianistas does it take to change a light-bulb?
A. In terms of an initial / preliminary response around this obviously loaded question, I’d like to begin by problematicizing the notion that it is possible to erect an overt illuminational hierarchy whereby notions of “light” are privileged over notions of “darkness” through deployment of an “objective” and/or “value-free” modality of environmental interrogation via soi disant “sensory” channels. Next, it will (of course) be vital to undertake an in-depth consultation-exercise / impact-assessment with any and all vulnerable minority-communities of ethnicity, sexuality, gender-fluidity and/or other alternate ontology. We must ensure, on a keyly non-negotiable basis of absolute core non-negotiability, that their “fringe” inputs are prioritized on an on-going basis in terms of the decision-making process taking place around the problematicized notion of “changing” the allegedly “dead” so-called “bulb”. Issues around adequate resourcing of the consultation-exercise / impact-assessment must be addressed as a matter of urgency, with ring-fenced contingencies in place safeguarding provision of all necessary trauma counselling for vulnerable communities and/or individuals adversely impacted on a negative basis by the “bulb”-transitioning procedure and/or (indeed) the consultation-exercise / impact-assessment it/them/self/ves. Furthermore…
Overlord In Terms of Core Issues Around Maximal Engagement with Key Notions of the Über-Feral 
There’s been a few other attempts to write pomo generators, but yours was by far the best.
Prediction: the next big thing in academia will be postmodern thought transmitted by Twitter. It will be difficult, given the 140 character limit, but we must spare no effort in boldly synergising new paradigm shifts. It will probably look like Kenji Siratori’s prose.
http://www.3ammagazine.com/short_stories/fiction/tattoo/page_1.html
There’s been a few other attempts to write pomo generators, but yours was by far the best.
It’s still there: Paradigm Loused. I think the one Dawkins talks about is better.
Prediction: the next big thing in academia will be postmodern thought transmitted by Twitter. It will be difficult, given the 140 character limit…
One of the things about Guardianese is that it’s a hybrid of academese and journalese, for a double dose of incendiary irritation. I.e., it combines polysyllabic pretension with urgent brevity. E.g., words like “core” and “key” and “toxic”, which come from headlines. If you look at “core values” or “key insight” on Google Ngram, they’ve taken off in the same way as “hermeneutics” or “performative”.
There’s a third one here. The trouble is that most of them are too easy to read, not “dense” enough, etc. Yours provokes immediate brain shutdown, which is definitely a feature and not a bug IMO.
Interesting idea. I wonder which side mixed metaphors are inherited from: journalese or academia? Someone should make a Punnet square.
Yours provokes immediate brain shutdown, which is definitely a feature and not a bug IMO.
This needs to be investigated within ennuology, the scientific study of boredom. Boredom is an interesting thing. So are bores.
Interesting idea. I wonder which side mixed metaphors are inherited from: journalese or academia? Someone should make a Punnet square.
From journalese. Academic writing isn’t supposed to indulge in literary tricks.
Bureaucratese is another keyly core component of Guardianisticity.