Reading the Roons

Tuesday, 8th Feb, 2022 by Krilling for Company in Art, English Usage, Guardianistas, In Terms Of, Keyly Committed Core Components of the Counter-Cultural Community, Language, Literature, Politics, Psychology and tagged Alan Moore, bad English, Daily Mail, deplorable delinquency, gay genius, Guardian, Guardian-readers, Guardian-reading community, in terms of, interview, irony, John Coulthart, Mail on Sunday, psychotherapy, shame, Stewart Home, therapy, Wayne Rooney | 2 Comments

In terms of core issues around maximal engagement with keyly committed core components of the counter-cultural community, one of the saddest, sorriest and sighfullest sights among them is that of the talented lad from the wrong side of the tracks who betrays his class by turning himself into a Guardian-reader, in terms of core cultural assumptions and behaviour.

Northampton’s Alan Moore has done it.

London’s Stewart Home has done it.

Huddersfield’s John Coulthart has done it.

How do I know?

[Readers’ Advisory: If you are easily disturbed, distressed and/or disgusted, please stop reading NOW.]

I know because

[I mean it. Stop reading or you may well regret it.]

I know because each of these talented lads from the wrong side of the tracks now bears the Mark of the Beast, metaphorically speaking.

[Last chance.]

Each of them has, on multiple occasions and without the minimalest micro-metric of shame or irony, deployed the key Guardianista phrase “in terms of”.

• For proof of Alan Moore’s deplorable delinquency, please see here.
• For proof of Stewart Home’s dep-del, please see here.
• For proof of John Coulthart’s dep-del, please see in the same place as you possibly saw or are-about-to-see Stewart Home’s, i.e. here.

So. After seeing and lamenting those horrific examples of class-betrayal, I thought I was hermeneutically hardened and would never again experience sadness, sorrow or sighfullness at the sight of a talented lad etc.

I was wrong.

As I learned when I read this interview in The Mail on Sunday:

There was a lot of negativity in terms of my mum getting frustrated with us as kids, messing around all the time, smashing things in the house and my nan lived in the same road, a few houses down. […] In terms of therapy, I have spoken to a few different people. I have never done a period of time where I have done two years with someone and it has been ongoing. […] Everything I am asking of those players in terms of hard work, honesty, trust, commitment…if I was just to turn round and say “I have had an offer, I’m off”, I honestly couldn’t do that to the players and the staff. — Wayne Rooney reveals his secret two-day drinking binges etc

Oh, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne. How could you do it? But I think we can easily guess where he was infected: it was during his therapy-sessions.

Elsewhere other-accessible

• Ex-Term-In-Ate! — interrogating issues around why “in terms of” is so teratographically toxic…
• All posts interrogating issues around “in terms of”…
• All posts interrogating issues around the Guardian-reading community and its affiliates…

Are U Worthy?

Friday, 10th Mar, 2017 by Krilling for Company in Über-Transgression..., English Usage, Guardianistas, In Terms Of, Keyly Committed Core Components of the Counter-Cultural Community, Transgression... and tagged 23 working days, Alan Moore, Are U Worthy?, counter-cultural, counter-cultural community, counter-culture, daily basis, dot dot dot, Genesis P-Orridge, Guardianese, Guardianistas, in terms of, issues around, J.G. Ballard, Jeremy Corbyn, Kathy Acker, Keyly Committed Core Components of the Counter-Cultural Community, Michael Moorcock, nagged by doubts, Norman Foreman B.A., phantasmagoric phrase, prior to, Stewart Home, The Guardian, transgression, transgressive, twenty-three, Vote Corbyn, Will Self, William Burroughs | Leave a comment

If you’re nagged by doubts as to whether you really are a keyly committed core component of the counter-cultural community, then simply engage issues around the following issues…

1. In terms of “in terms of”, how often do you hear this phantasmagoric phrase in terms of a daily basis?

2. Please hierarchialize the following core components of the counter-cultural icon community in terms of their “in-terms-of”-usage metrics: Will Self, J.G. Ballard, William Burroughs, Alan Moore, Miriam Stimbers, Michael Moorcock, Kathy Acker, Genesis P. Orridge, Alan Ginsberg, Stewart Home, Hubert Selby Jr., Norman Foreman (B.A.). (I.e., if you think Foreman uses “in terms of” most in terms of usage metrics, put him first; if you think Acker uses it second-most, put her second; etc.)

3. Engage issues around 1 and 2 again, replacing “in terms of” with “prior to”…

4. Engage issues around 1 and 2 again, replacing “in terms of” with “issues around”……

5. Engage issues around 1 and 2 again, replacing “in terms of” with “Vote Corbyn”………

Once you’ve engaged issues around the above issues, email your answers to Evaluator!@NakedKrunch and you should have your doubts laid to rest within 23 working days…

Previously pre-posted on Overlord of the Über-Feral…

• Les Sez
• Don’t Do Dot…
• Terminator!
• Metricizing Michael…
• Terminal Breach
• More Termination…

Ass You Like It

Thursday, 15th Aug, 2013 by Krilling for Company in Über-Transgression..., English Usage, Free Will, Guardianistas, Philosophy, Politics, Post-Transgressive Fiction and tagged assification, assify, bad English, bad writing, braying, Buridan’s ass, choice, dot dot dot, Free Will, Guardian, Guardianista, Guardianistas, literary dilemma, literary dilemmas, mediaeval philosophy, medieval philosophy, Norman Foreman B.A., philosophy, praying, Stewart Home, Will Self | 8 Comments

This is a guest post by Norman Foreman, B.A.

Mediaeval Catholic philosophers wrote about both praying and braying. The braying came from Buridan’s ass, a thought-experiment about choice and free will. Imagine a hungry ass set between two piles of hay that are identical in every way: size, shape, colour, tastiness and so on. Some philosophers argued that, if it had no reason to prefer one pile of hay to the other, the ass would be unable to choose and would therefore starve to death.

I don’t agree: inter alia, nervous systems don’t work symmetrically and we don’t experience objects as fully identical when they’re in different parts of our visual field. However, in a literary sense, I understand what it feels like to be Buridan’s ass. To assify myself, I start by imagining this:

• I’m offered £1000 to read a book by the transgressive author Will Self.

Would I accept? Yes. It would be distasteful, but I’d do it for £1000. Self’s writing is so bad that I might give the money back rather than finish the book, but I’d have a go. Now change the situation:

• I’m offered £1000 to read a book by the transgressive author Stewart Home.

Would I still accept? Yes. Again, it would be distasteful, but I’d do it for the money. Or I’d try, at least. The next step turns me into Buridan’s ass. I imagine this:

• I’m offered £1000 to read a book by either Will Self or Stewart Home (not both). And I have to make the choice for myself.

Now I’m on the horns of a dilemma. I would want the £1000, but I can’t decide which transgressive author I’d rather NOT read. Home is a downmarket version of Self, Self is an upmarket version of Home. It’s Self-as-chav vs Home-as-Oxbridge-grad. And/or vice versâ. They’re both keyly committed core components of the Guardianista community, with all that that implies in terms of issues around bad English, mixed metaphors and “in terms of”. I’m happy to say I’ve never read a book by either of them. So if I were offered £1000 to do so and had to choose either Self or Home, I couldn’t do it. Not unassisted. I’d have to toss a coin. Best of three. Or best of five dot dot dot

Previously pre-posted (please peruse):

• Titus Graun
• Ex-term-in-ate!
• Reds under the Thread

The Term Turns dot dot dot

Tuesday, 2nd Jul, 2013 by Krilling for Company in Art, Über-Transgression..., English Usage, Guardianistas, In Terms Of, Literature and tagged "'Pushing the Transgressive Envelope Too Far' Too Far" too far, æsthetician John Coulthart, black Savoy nihilinja-suit, dot dot dot, gay Guardian-reader, gay Guardian-readers, gay Guardianista, gay Guardianistas, Grauniness, Grauny, Guardian, Guardian-reader, Guardian-readers, Guardianista, Guardianistas, Guardianisticity, i.t.o., in terms of, John Coulthart, John Coulthart vs Stewart Home, Keyly Committed Core Components of the Counter-Cultural Community, Manchester's Most Maverick Messiahs, Savoy Books, semiotician Stewart Home, Stewart Home, Stewart Home vs John Coulthart, The Term Turns, Titus Graun, transgression, transgressive, transgressivity, usage-metrics for "in terms of", verbicide | 2 Comments

In Titus Graun, I interrogated issues around the Grauniness, or Guardianisticity, of two keyly committed core components of the counter-cultural community: the semiotician Stewart Home and the æsthetician John Coulthart. Seeking to utilizate their usage-metrics for the core/epicentral Guardianista phrase “in terms of” (i.t.o.), I interrogated their personal websites like this in terms of January 2013:

site:http://www.johncoulthart.com “in terms of”
About 2,180 results

site:http://www.johncoulthart.com “the”
About 8,860 results

site:http://www.johncoulthart.com “and”
About 8,150 results

site:http://www.stewarthomesociety.org “in terms of”
About 123 results

site:http://www.stewarthomesociety.org “the”
About 602 results

site:http://www.stewarthomesociety.org “and”
About 599 results

Noting that Coulthart’s site used “the/and” approximately 14 times more often than Home’s, I adjusted Home’s raw i.t.o.-score accordingly: 123 x 14 = 1722. I concluded that Coulthart, with an i.t.o.-score of 2180, was approximately 26·59% Graunier than Home – exactly as one might have hoped, given that Coulthart is not merely a Guardianista (good), but a gay Guardianista (doubleplusgood). But that was in terms of January. When I re-interrogated their websites in terms of June 2013, I discovered that the semiotic situation had transitioned in a most disturbing and disquieting way:

site:http://www.johncoulthart.com “in terms of”
About 1,080 results

site:http://www.johncoulthart.com “the”
About 8,680 results

site:http://www.johncoulthart.com “and”
About 8,010 results

site:http://www.stewarthomesociety.org “in terms of”
About 119 results

site:http://www.stewarthomesociety.org “the”
About 541 results

site:http://www.stewarthomesociety.org “and”
About 536 results

I was aghast (literally) to see that Coulthart’s i.t.o.-metrics have spiked (in reverse). Other lexicostatistical metrics have transitioned relatively little: his site now seems to use “the/and” approximately 15·5 times more often than Home’s. Home’s raw i.t.o.-score is 119 and 119 x 15·5 = 1844·5. So it is now Home who is approximately 70·78% Graunier than Coulthart.

This can only be described as highly suspicious. What has Coulthart been up to? Has he been spraying his site with verbicide? Has he donned a black Savoy nihilinja-suit™, crept out under cover of darkness and clubbed innocent i.t.o.’s as they lay basking in the feral radiance of Manchester’s Most Maverick Messiahs? If so, this is “‘Pushing the Transgressive Envelope Too Far’ Too Far” too far. Even M.M.M.M. must look askance at behaviour like that. Surely.

Previously pre-posted (please peruse):

• Titus Graun
• Ex-term-in-ate!
• Reds under the Thread

Homotextuality

Thursday, 31st Jan, 2013 by Krilling for Company in Über-Transgression..., English Usage, Guardianistas, In Terms Of, Post-Transgressive Fiction and tagged aesthete, aesthetic, aesthetician, aesthetics, art, counter-cultural, counter-culture, English Usage, gay, Grauniad, Grauniad-reader, Grauniad-readers, Guardian, Guardian English, Guardian-reader, Guardian-readers, Guardianese, in terms of, John Coulthard, John Coulthart, Keyly Committed Core Components of the Counter-Cultural Community, lexical, lexical analysis, lexicography, linguistic analysis, linguistic forensics, literary analysis, literary forensics, literary statistics, LRB, Manchester's Most Maverick Messiahs, semiotic, semiotician, semiotics, statistical, statistics, Stewart Home, Stuart Home, subterranean, The Guardian, The London Review of Books, The Times Literary Supplement, TLS, transgression, transgressive art, transgressive artist, transgressive fiction, transgressive writer, transgressivity, underground, underground community, Who’s the Grauniest of Them All? | Leave a comment

In terms of the highest levels of the United Kingdom’s counter-cultural community, it seems to be compulsory for non-conformists, mavericks, free-thinkers et al to be committed readers of The Guardian (which was nicknamed The Grauniad by Private Eye in honour of the misspellings once common there). Naturally enough, committed Guardian-readers use the special dialect of English known as Guardianese (which is also found in The Times Literary Supplement, The London Review of Books, etc). And there are a lot of such Guardianistas in the counter-cultural community, trust me. So the obvious question arises:

Myriads, myriads, off the wall,
Who is the Grauniest of them all?

Continue reading Homotextuality…

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